BlogalongaBond: The Man With The Golden Gun

Way back in 2011, my favourite film critic The Incredible Suit figured out there were exactly the same amount of months preceding the release of Skyfall as there were Bond films. And thus BlogalongaBond was born, in which international film critics from around the world (hence the international bit) reviewed one Bond film a month until Skyfall dropped.

Being the top bloke that I am, I convinced my then-girlfriend (now wife) to take part in BlogalongaBond with me, seeing as how she hadn't seen a Bond film before, or couldn't remember having done so.

Her: This may be controversial, but I think Roger Moore might be the best Bond so far. Maybe it's just the films have been better or that I haven't seen a bad one with Moore in it yet, but he's my favourite.

Me: Are you just saying that 'cos you think Moore is sexier than Connery?

Her: Hmmm... I don't know which is sexier. Let's just say I wouldn't mind being the guest of honour in their threesome.

Me: Umm... ok... anyway... I'm taking it that you liked The Man With The Golden Gun then?

Her: Definitely. Moore's two from two in my book. I don't think he's as cheesy as Connery, or he doesn't have as many cheesy lines. Either way, I found this more enjoyable because it had fewer groan-worthy moments.

Me: I know you loved Live And Let Die - is this as good as that one?

Her: No, probably not, although I found it more believable because it didn't have the voodoo stuff or people walking over alligators.

Me: But this one had a flying car... which is either the coolest thing ever or the lamest. I can't decide.

Her: Yeah. Ok, except for that.

Me: It also had some of the worst kung fu fighting I've ever seen, which was obviously just thrown in to capitalise on the Bruce Lee craze.

Her: True. But do you know what was even worse than the crappy martial arts?

Me: Yes, I do - it was that stupid fucking sound effect they put over the barrel-roll car stunt. Perhaps the coolest stunt in the history of Bond, spoilt by some ridiculously infuriating whistle noise. It was like George Lucas making Darth Vader say 'Noooooooo!' on the Blu-ray edition of Return Of The Jedi. Way to spoil the moment.

"You know what this incredible car stunt needs? The dumbest fucking sound effect you can find."

Her: Correct, Star Wars nerd. Great stunt, well ruined.

Me: So what did you like about The Man With The Golden Gun?

Her: I really liked Tic-Tac.

Me: Nick Nack.

Her: Whatever. He should have been called Tic-Tac. Because he's little, like a Tic-Tac. And that guy from Lord Of The Rings was good - Saruman.

Me: Scaramanga.

"Your love of the Halfling's leaf has clearly slowed your mind."

Her: Whatever. And I thought the plot was pretty good. Nice and believable, flying cars aside. The title sequence was certainly better than Live And Let Die.

Me: Indeed, but that has to be one of the worst Bond themes ever - certainly the worst so far.

Her: Yeah, you're right. On the plus side, the set design was fantastic.

Me: Definitely. I think this was probably one of the best-looking Bonds yet. Scaramanga's lair was awesome, even his funhouse killing floor was great, and the skewed shipwreck-turned-secret base was stunning.

Her: I also liked the return of JW Pepper.

Me: Really? I found him barely tolerable in Live And Let Die, but just painful in The Man With The Golden Gun.

Her: It's starting to sound like you didn't like this one very much.

Me: No, I actually did. But it's weird - this was one of my favourites when I watched most of them as a teenager. I loved the barrel-roll car stunt, I loved the golden gun, and I thought Scaramanga was a cool villain, but I think I was blinded to a lot of the faults. Such as some of the plot-holes - MI6 doesn't test the golden bullet that is sent to them at the start of the film, yet Bond travels to Beirut to find another bullet connected to Scaramanga so it can be tested. Or how Andrea Anders doesn't tell Bond when they first meet that she sent the golden bullet and that he was the only man that could save her and only tells him much later in the film. Things like that bothered me this time around. Having said that, I still think The Man With The Golden Gun is good, despite its many flaws. As you said, the set design is great, Moore does a good job, Scaramanga is a great villain because he's Bond's equal and Lee plays him with subdued style, and the Bond girls are quite good. Maud Adams gives Andrea Anders the right amount of vulnerability and inner strength, while Britt Ekland's Goodnight is endearing because she's obviously trying hard to be a good agent yet is clumsy and clearly smitten with Bond.

Her: Yes, but how dumb is the bit where she hits the button with her button? How could you not know when you've hit something with your butt?

Me: Maybe she has a desensitised arse?

Her: You're gross.

Me: Whatever. Look, my point is that for all its flaws, The Man With The Golden Gun somehow works. It never quite tips totally into stupidity or campiness, but it never quite achieves the greatness of Live And Let Die or the better Connery films.

Her: Well, I liked it. It's one of my favourites.

Me: Many Bond afficianados consider it to be one of the worst.

Her: They're obviously jerks.

BlogalongaBond will return in The Spy Who Loved Me.

BlogalongaBond: Live And Let Die

Way back in 2011, my favourite film critic The Incredible Suit figured out there were exactly the same amount of months preceding the release of Skyfall as there were Bond films. And thus BlogalongaBond was born, in which international film critics from around the world (hence the international bit) reviewed one Bond film a month until Skyfall dropped.

Being the top bloke that I am, I convinced my then-girlfriend (now wife) to take part in BlogalongaBond with me, seeing as how she hadn't seen a Bond film before, or couldn't remember having done so.

Her: I dug it.

Me: Really?

Her: Yep, best one so far. Hands down.

Me: I enjoyed it too and think it's one of the better Bond films, but I'm intrigued as to why you liked it so much.

Her: It's just great. All the characters are great, the plot makes sense, the action sequences are strong and Roger Moore is an excellent Bond.

Me: You like Moore?

Her: Absolutely. I mean, Sean's hotter, but Roger's perfect in this. He slots in perfectly.

Me: True. From that very first scene, you just accept him as Bond. He seems so comfortable in the role - he has that right blend of suave coolness and physicality that 007 needs.

"Bond. James motherfucking Bond."

Her: Absolutely. When we watched the one with George in it (On Her Majesty's Secret Service) you had to get use to him, but think I just went 'oh yeah, he's Bond' within a matter of minutes of Live And Let Die opening. In fact, I don't think I even thought about it.

Me: He does get a few too many goofy puns though, but that's not his fault and he delivers them pretty well.

Her: Oh yeah, there's still a bit of cheesiness there. But I like Moore already.

Me: Well, just so you know, he's responsible for some of the most poorly regarded Bond films.

Her: Don't tell me that! You're ruining the surprise! La la la, I can't her you!

Me: Sorry. But I did really enjoy Moore's work and I'd rate Live And Let Die as one of the best so far - up there with Goldfinger and Thunderball, maybe just ahead of You Only Live Twice.

Her: I think it's my favourite. But why do you think it's so good?

Me: Well, for starters: Best. Bond theme. Ever.

Her: Is that your sad love of Paul McCartney shining through there?

Me: No. What are you talking about?

Her: Nothing... Paul lover.

Me: Shut up. Look, Paul gets a bad rap for his post-Beatles work, which is totally unfair... I mean, look at Baby, I'm Amazed or Band On The Run... just because he wasn't as edgy as Lennon, but....

Her: Ok, ok, yes, we've all heard your "stop hating on Paul McCartney" speech.

Me: Sorry. But it is the best Bond theme ever. That's a fact.

Her: Whatever. What else do you like about the movie?

Me: I thought the plot was good. Just a bit of good, old-fashioned heroin smuggling. And the film moved along nicely. The boat chase through the bayou perhaps went on for too long - I swear that lasted 20 minutes - but even then it was still enjoyable. Some of those stunts involving the boats sliding across roads and lawns and back into the river were outstanding. But the best stunt has to be Bond running across the crocodiles.

Her: Yeah, that was incredibly cool. Do you think they were all real crocodiles?

Me: The last one was definitely real. I suppose you could fake the other ones, but either way it was very cool.

Her: What about the Bond girls?

Me: I think that in Solitaire and Rosie Carter we have two of the best Bond girls to date. I mean, Jane Seymour's acting was probably a bit sub-par, but both characters were actually interesting and given a bit more to do than just be a bit of tail for 007. Rosie gets a few good lines and funny moments and Solitaire is a really intriguing character who adds more depth to the voodoo side of the film and Kananga's character, while being well fleshed out herself.

Her: Well fleshed out, eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge. Wait a minute, what was wrong with Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman's acting?

"I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war."

Me: I dunno - she just didn't cut it for me. Her delivery, her emotional display... I didn't buy it sometimes. Still - great character.

Her: I thought all the characters and performances were good. Actually, that's probably a contributing factor as to why I liked it so much. I didn't cringe as often... or at all. I thought Felix Leiter was quite good.

Me: And the villians. So many great iconic villians - Kananga, Baron Samedi, Tee Hee, even Whisper. They were all unique and had a sense of danger too them... except Whisper. Although it was pretty damned funny when they blew up his couch.

Her: Ha, yeah! That was great.

Me: So, overall, best Bond film so far?

Her: Undoubtedly! Bring on the next one - I can't wait!

Me: Ah, yeah, about that....

Her: La la la, I can't hear you!

BlogalongaBond will return in The Man With The Golden Gun.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

(M) ★★★★

Director: Rupert Wyatt.

Cast: Andy Serkis, James Franco, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow, Brian Cox, Tom Felton.

"James, we need to talk about your unhealthy passion for Seth Rogen."

AFTER Tim Burton's mis-fired "re-imagining" of the classic Planet Of The Apes in 2001, no one was really clamouring for someone to try again at restarting the saga of a world where primates are superior to humans.

But here we are with Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, an unwanted but surprisingly awesome film that either serves as a new origin story or a prequel to the Charlton Heston-starring original, depending how you look at it (or how they screw it all up with a sequel).

Franco plays Will Rodman, a scientist working on an Alzheimer's cure by testing it on chimps in the hopes to save his dad's deteriorating mind.

When one of the test subjects goes, ahem, ape droppings, the experiment is closed down and Will makes some rash decisions - he takes home a baby chimp rather than put it down, and begins testing the cure on his father.

If you're wondering how a set-up like this could lead to a chimp-fuelled overthrow of humanity, that's part of the beauty of Rise....

The slow downward spiral of the film from this intriguing starting point is engrossing, especially the way it suddenly flips on you and you realise you're barracking for the apes, not the humans.

For a blockbuster spectacle, it's surprisingly sharp and subtle in places, even if some plot points unravel the more you think about it, particularly the idea that a chimp in a scientific test could be pregnant and give birth without any of the scientists/handlers knowing about it.

But Rise...'s flaws can be largely forgiven because it's hugely entertaining, reasonably intelligent in its story-telling and offers some magical, beautiful and horrifying moments along the way.

The lead ape, Caesar, is a great character, brought to life wonderfully by Serkis and a team of motion-capture boffins, who imbue him with a level of humanity and nobility. The effects, for the most part, are pretty good - as is to be expected in this day and age - and the final rampage of primates versus the police has some undoubtedly cool moments.

Rise... doesn't slavishly reference the previously made Apes movies, getting by with a handful of references, but it does offer one zinger; a "holy crap!" moment revolving around the original film's "get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape" line.

This won't be a classic like the 1968 one but the "wow" feeling that it leaves you with as you exit the cinema makes it well worth the price of admission.

Captain America: The First Avenger

(M) ★★★★

Director: Joe Johnston.

Cast: Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving, Hayley Atwell, Sebastian Stan, Dominic Cooper, Stanley Tucci.

Military uniforms haven't been this lax since M*A*S*H*.

SUBTITLED as The First Avenger, this is in fact the last film before Marvel unleashes The Avengers, the much-anticipated superhero supergroup movie that will feature Hulk, Iron Man, Thor and Captain America (among others).

In order to do this, they needed to introduce Captain America - a prospect nearly as risky as hammer-weilding Norse god Thor. The reason for this is Cap has been seen as a jingoistic flag-waver at times in his lengthy comic book history, a problem compounded by the fact the US isn't everyone's favourite world superpower at the moment.

But at it's heart, Captain America has always been about truth and justice (to paraphrase half a line from rival comic company DC), as well as standing up to the bully and protecting freedom.

Thankfully, that's what this iteration of the shield-throwing superhero focuses on. The man who would be Cap, Steve Rogers (Evans) is a frail young man whose lack of physical prowess has seen him rejected five times by the American Army, which is fighting the Nazis in World War II.

Rogers is given a sixth-time-lucky opportunity by German-born scientist Abraham Erskine (Tucci), who fled Hitler and his henchman Johann Schmidt (Weaving) and came to America with a prototype of the Super Soldier Serum - a substance that will turn the ordinary troop into a superhuman fighting machine.

Erskine sees something unique in the spirited but scrawny Rogers and offers him the chance to take the serum and fulfill his dream of fighting for freedom... as Captain America.

In terms of big-budget spectacle, The First Avenger delivers, taking an old-school approach to create a rollicking adventure with a similar vibe to Raiders Of The Lost Ark, or one of Johnston's previous films, The Rocketeer.

Most of the effects work well, especially the much criticised "shrinking" of Evans to play the pre-serum Rogers, but don't watch this film in the poor-quality 3D that some cinemas have as it detracts from the polish of some of the action sequences.

Evans is great in what is effectively a dual-role and gets good support from Atwell, a well-accented Weaving (who is suitably menacing as Schmidt's alter-ego Red Skull), Tucci and Jones, with the latter two providing some handy comic relief.

The humourous touches are very welcome, helping to take some of the silliness out of the concept. His slightly ridiculous costume is introduced cleverly as Cap fulfills his duty selling war bonds, and the film trades well on the character's rich comic book past, including his original shield, his famous Hitler punch from issue #1, and a rag-tag team of sidekicks that is a composite of comic book units the Howling Commandos and the Invaders. (Sidenote: these sidekicks, which include a Brit, a Frenchmen, an Asian-American and an African-American, may seem like a stretch for political correctness or a way to temper the All-American nature of the hero but rest assured, they're all drawn from the original comics.)

The bonus with many of Marvel's key characters and backstories is the intriguing personality flaws and themes that come with them, and Captain America is no different. While his greater internal conflicts won't appear until The Avengers, he represents the importance of determination and integrity, as well as the ideal that power doesn't have to change a person - or a nation - for the worse.

It's not perfect - there are some unavoidably silly lines and moments - and how much you like the film will depend on how accepting you are of the character and his world, but Captain America's existing fanbase won't be disappointed.

Five movies into their new "cinematic universe" and Marvel have got a Pixar-like strike rate of four out of five (with Iron Man 2 the only disappointment). If this is only The First Avenger, then bring on the rest of them.

And don't forget to stick around after the end - the post-credits sequence will whet the appetite and make anyone looking forward to The Avengers hate even more the fact they'll have to wait 10 months to see it.

BlogalongaBond: Diamonds Are Forever

Way back in 2011, my favourite film critic The Incredible Suit figured out there were exactly the same amount of months preceding the release of Skyfall as there were Bond films. And thus BlogalongaBond was born, in which international film critics from around the world (hence the international bit) reviewed one Bond film a month until Skyfall dropped.

Being the top bloke that I am, I convinced my then-girlfriend (now wife) to take part in BlogalongaBond with me, seeing as how she hadn't seen a Bond film before, or couldn't remember having done so.

Me: Are you going to ask me why Sean Connery is back and what happened to George Lazenby?

Her: No.

Me: Go on.

Her: Ok. Why is Connery back and what happened to George?

Me: Well, Lazenby's agent told him that Bond was just a passing fad and not to sign on for an extended deal. And so the studio threw wheelbarrow-loads of money at Connery until he came back.

Her: Fascinating.

Me: You don't care, do you?

Her: Not really. I don't really care for Diamonds Are Forever. I don't care for it at all.

Me: At all?

Her: At all. That was the worst one so far... even worse than the one starring poor George. It started well and then just got progressively lamer and lamer.

Presenting Lame and Lamer.

Me: Agreed. It started so well though. The first non-Bond-like shot of a pretty Japanese table, which was soon smashed by a good fight scene, and Bond finally tracking down a fake Blofeld, and the set-up of the diamond smuggling plot - all that was really good. I was hooked in the first 10 minutes.

Her: Yes. And then it all just got incredibly silly. And stupid.

Me: True. Did the plot even make sense? I'm not sure that it did.

Her: No, I don't think so. I got lost and bored... like I was in the world's crappiest maze.

Me: Did you find any redeeming features?

Her: I really liked Mr Wint and Mr Kidd. They were good villains.

Me: Yes, they were entertaining. They were menacing but funny, even if they were perhaps a throwback to that era when homosexuals were considered scary and weird and something to be feared. One of them was named Bruce Glover and looked a bit like Crispin Glover... do you think they're related?

(A subsequent Google search revealed he's Crispin's dad.)

Her: Who cares? This movie was just rubbish. The moon buggy chase was ridiculous, the finale on the oil rig was lacklustre and Tiffany Case's outfit changed colours halfway through, and the subplot with the Howard Hughes-like guy was unnecessary and stupid. And Bambi and Thumper? Bambi and Thumper? What the hell?

Bambi and Thumper? Seriously?

Me: Yeah. Calling out who is going to attack in a fight is not tactically brilliant, is it?

Her: You know what else isn't tactically brilliant? Leading a car chase into a small carpark.

Me: I guess, but that stunt driving to get through the thin alleyway was pretty cool.

Her: Meh. I feel very underwhelmed by this film... not even vaguely whelmed.

Me: Oh come on, there were some good lines and moments amid the increasing lameness. What about the gag when they throw Plenty O'Toole out the window? Or Bond's line to O'Toole: "You must have been named after your father?"? Or the fight in the elevator?

Her: Ok, they were fine. But Plenty O'Toole was terrible, and Tiffany Case's character was much like the movie - started out being interesting and just became annoying.

Me: Fair call.

Her: Do we have to watch many more of these?

Me: Well, we've watched seven so we're about a third of the way there.

Her: Seriously?

Me: I thought you were enjoying them.

Her: I was, but the last two have been rubbish.

Me: That's no reason to write off the whole series. We've got the Roger Moore movies to come next, then Dalton, Brosnan and Craig.

Her: Fine, I'll keep watching. But they better get better than those last two.

BlogalongaBond will return in Live And Let Die.

Cars 2

(PG) ★★

Director: John Lasseter & Brad Lewis.

Cast: (voices) Owen Wilson, Larry The Cable Guy, Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, Eddie Izzard, John Turturro.

Cool cars never look back at the explosion.

IT'S finally happened. Pixar's mythical run of great films is over.

Adding insult to injury is that it's come with a sequel that no one really wanted except the merchandise money counters - Cars is generally regarded as a good film, but certainly the runt of the Pixar litter.

It's hard to know where to start with this movie. It's a sequel to Cars in as much as it's set in the same alternate reality (ie. a world of inhabited entirely by vehicles) and the main characters return in varying amounts.

That's where the similarity ends. Cars 2 is a James Bond homage that focuses on first film sidekick Mater (Larry The Cable Guy) as the accidental secret agent in an environmentally fuelled tale of espionage, set against the backdrop of a tri-series car race that promotes a type of bio-diesel.

Meanwhile, some of the emotional themes fly in the face of the first film, in which NASCAR upstart Lightning McQueen is forced to slow his life down and adapt to the pace of rural life so as not to upset anyone (and learn some lessons about humility). Here the message is be yourself no matter what and don't change for anybody, even if you're being an ignorant laughing stock who's upsetting people (although there are some other lessons along the way but this is the main one).

Like an automobile, Cars 2 is cold and emotionless. It's also sadly humourless, unless your idea of a hilarious joke is "Japanese toilets are different to Western toilets" or wanting to see how far the film-makers can push the "cars do wacky human things" envelope.

With no heart to it, we're left with a so-so spy movie that bizarrely stars cars, in particular Mater. A decent sidekick and comic relief character in the first film, he becomes almost painful to endure as a lead, although the film does improve as he eventually comes into his own.

As you would expect with Pixar, Cars 2 looks spectacular, and there are some interesting ideas, such as the environmental theme and elements of the espionage parody, plus the ending is strong.

But overall it feels like three different movies welded together or - worst of all - that Pixar is running out of ideas. Even the pre-film short is a return visit from the Toy Story team (albeit a welcome comeback).

However, the presence of Woody and Buzz just serves to remind you of how good Pixar sequels can be, and how disappointing this one is.

BlogalongaBond: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Way back in 2011, my favourite film critic The Incredible Suit figured out there were exactly the same amount of months preceding the release of Skyfall as there were Bond films. And thus BlogalongaBond was born, in which international film critics from around the world (hence the international bit) reviewed one Bond film a month until Skyfall dropped.

Being the top bloke that I am, I convinced my then-girlfriend (now wife) to take part in BlogalongaBond with me, seeing as how she hadn't seen a Bond film before, or couldn't remember having done so.

Her: I want those two hours of my life back.

Me: That bad?

Her Oh yeah. So bad.

Me: Was it George? Are you just pining for Sean?

Her: No, it was nothing to do with George. He did a good job with what he had to work with. Unfortunately, what he had to work with was a steaming plate of poo. And he had to eat it.

Me: That's a horrible mental image.

Her: I know, but that movie was bad. It was a total stinking plate of poo.

Me: Oh come on, there must have been something you liked about it.

Her: That car race/chase was pretty cool. And I thought some of the fights were better. Lazenby really threw himself into those - I think you can tell he was a better fighter than Connery.

Me: Well, Lazenby would probably beat Connery in a fight, but I really disliked a lot of the early fight scenes. I thought the Bond movies had evolved past the point of speeding up footage and editing it choppily to make it look more action-packed, but obviously not.

Her: Well, either way, I've got to say - and I hate to admit this because you'll probably put it on the bloody internet - but I had no idea what the plot was and what was going on. I mean, why was Bond following Tracy around? Why was she wandering off into the water? Why did her dad want to pay Bond to marry her? And what was Bond doing for the whole film? I mean, what was the bloody point of it all?

"Has anyone found the bloody point of all this?"

Me: It did feel like the film started part-way through something and never told us explicitly what it was. As far as I can work out, Bond was keeping an eye on the suicidal/crazy Tracy in the hopes of ingratiating himself with her dad so that he would spill what he knew about Blofeld, who Bond had been trying to catch since the end of You Only Live Twice. At least I think that's what was going on.

Her: Well, I didn't get that. It was nonsensical.

Me: Yeah I don't think the script fit together very well at the start. And while that is a big problem with the film, I think the biggest problem was that it didn't feel like a Bond film. They make an effort, particularly in the rubbish opening titles, to reference the previous films, then the film-makers turn OHMSS into a quasi-reboot for the new guy. It took 90 minutes before it started to feel like a 007 adventure. I mean, the final 30 minutes are really good, but it was as if they got to the end and realised they'd forgotten they were making a Bond film and crammed all the action and Bond-ness into the final act with a ski pursuit, an avalanche, a car race, and a toboggan duel.

Her: Yeah, it's very un-Bond. I mean, what the hell was the go with that "falling in love" montage in the middle of the film? I nearly puked in my popcorn. And since when does Bond get married? That's not Bond!

Me: Agreed. His previous womanising seemed fine because he didn't have a girlfriend, but by having him fall for Tracy then go and shag a chalet of shielas just makes him a cheating bastard.

Her: Mind you, I didn't think much of Tracy... or any of Blofeld's mind-controlled hussies. Once again, the Bond girls were a disappointment.

Me: Another disappointing aspect was that they seemed to be "hazing the new guy".

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, I think the costume department were picking on Lazenby a lot. Connery got all these awesome outfits and he always looked great. Lazenby gets some really shabby suits, a pale blue ski suit, lots of frills, and a kilt. A freaking kilt! And the script made him act kind of gay for a bit. There's nothing wrong with being gay but that's not Bond! He's a real man's man... wait, that sounds gay too....

Her: If they were really hazing Lazenby that would have made him dress as a woman.

Me: That would have clinched it. I'm surprised they didn't.

"Well, I'm not wearing any underwear. What about you ladies?"

Her: Poor George. I liked him, but he really got dumped with a rough deal here. I would have liked to have seen him do a more traditional-style Bond film.

Me: I thought he lacked charisma. That's the one thing Bond really needs, but Lazenby didn't have it.

Her: Whatever you think about George, you have to agree at least he was better than the new Blofeld.

Me: True. Telly Savalas was way too smug and nowhere near malevolent enough.

Her: And where did his scar go? And his accent? Wait a minute - they should have recognised each other from having met during You Only Live Once... but I guess they both look different in this one... but they're supposed to be the same guy... holy crap... I think my brain is about to explode.

Me: There's a really cool fan theory that James Bond isn't so much a person but a position in MI6 - hence the different-looking Bonds over the years. And I guess Blofeld could be the same - he's just a different Number One who takes on Blofeld's name and mantle.

Her: Stop talking. My brain hurts.

Me: Okay. But did you know this is actually a really highly regarded Bond film?

Her: What? How? Why? That was rubbish - the worst one so far by a long way.

Me: I don't think it's a total waste of time, but it does feel like they've tried to get away from the over-the-top nature of the previous films and have gone too far the other way, replacing the over-the-top-ness with bland-ness.

Her: My popcorn was more interesting.

BlogalongaBond will return in Diamonds Are Forever.