Indiana Jones is no more. Or at least so says Harrison Ford and Kathleen Kennedy. Or at least so they say for now. Things may change. Some day, Chris Pratt or someone else will pull on the battered fedora and I'll go and watch the film they make, grumbling all the while before writing a begrudgingly positive review. Probably.
But until that sadly inevitable day arrives, let's mark the end of one of cinema's greatest franchises with a celebratory list. Of course, you know how this list is going to go, but I'm going to write it down anyway.
1. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
Every single thing in this film is iconic. The costume, the score, the set pieces, the stunts, the script, the cinematography, the performances, the Harrison Ford. It's hard to fault this unsurpassed highwater for adventure films. Much like how George Lucas took his love of Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon and turned it into something new and mindblowing with Star Wars, Lucas and his buddy Steven Spielberg reinvented the pulpy jungle-adventure B movies of the '40s and '50s to make the perfect action movie. Everything works. It's a rollercoaster of perfection, barrelling from one incredible moment to the next. Ford's Jones is a very human hero whose tenacity, ingenuity and dumb luck pulls him out of one scrape after another, and it's a goddamn joy to watch.
2. Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
The Indiana Jones films are not renowned for their thematic depth, but it's there if you're willing to look. Raiders is ultimately a story about how the quest for power is its own undoing, Temple Of Doom is about control over the less fortunate, and the light that must stand to fight against the darkness within man, but it's Last Crusade that is the deepest and most poignant of the original trilogy. It's a tale of faith and obsession, and about fathers and sons, and all the prickly issues that come with that. In one of the greatest casting moves in history, Sean Connery joined the franchise as Indy's dad, and this would be a far lesser film without him. The film apes Raiders' tone and pace, and almost equals the original in terms of iconic sequences. The young Indy opening, the tank chase, the Grail challenges - they're all part of the heart-stopping fun that makes this a scintillating widescreen adventure.
3. Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom
The dark one. Hearts are removed, kids are tortured, people are set alight, and brains are eaten (those poor monkeys), but these things don't make it a bad film. In fact it's a great film, another rollicking adventure that tries to take the formula of the first and push it further. Even if some of its set pieces push the limits (the inflatable raft drop, the minecart chase, the rope bridge fight), they're still wonderful sequences that have us cheering from the edge of our seats. With its added darkness comes added tension, and Temple Of Doom hits faster and harder than any other film in the franchise.
4. Indiana Jones & The Dial Of Destiny
An 80-year-old Ford plays a 70-year-old Indy in a bold and often bonkers attempt to give the whip-cracking archaeologist the farewell he deserves. Its themes of regret and life passing us by add layers to the adventure, and also feed into the MacGuffin and the somewhat subdued but solid villain (played by Mads Mikkelsen). Waller-Bridge is a fine companion, and Ford gives his best performance of the series. The opening and ending are iconic, but some of what happens in between drags.
5. Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Cate Blanchett is a remarkable actress, one of the greatest of all time, but as soon as she rolls up "chewing those wouble-yoos", it's clear Crystal Skull is going to be a goofy disappointment. From its overlong title (why the everloving fuck isn't it just called Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skull?) to its hair-combing, Tarzan-aping sidekick Mutt, this film is more cheesy homage than genuine sequel. And you know what? I like the "nuking the fridge" sequence, I don't hate the MacGuffin, and even in spite of the goofiness, it's kinda fun in places. But there's a lot to dislike. Ray Winstone's Mac is utterly superfluous, Mutt is a caricature, and the script is one bleeding obvious line after the other. Oh, what might have been.
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